How many times have you told yourself that you will be happy once you — get this prize, that car, that dress, a degree, a dream job, this amount of salary or that romantic partner…etc and you will be happy. Then when the novelty and excitements wear off, you are back in square one. Or you remain unsatisfied and unfulfilled. How often do you find yourself in emotional roller coasters because certain things, or certain person or event or news? Or other countless ways of diversions to distract you from feeling crappy? However, deep down you have a vague sense that none of them will bring a true sense of joy that is everlasting.
The fact is that most of us do not distinguish between happiness from excitements, pleasures, novelties, or amusements. We fall into the state of constantly trying to fulfill our needs and cravings or worse yet, another’s needs or demands. Contrary to what you might think, this is not to make a point against materialism. You are absolutely free to have a nice car, a beautiful house, a wonderful spouse and sizable amounts in your bank accounts…etc. And yet, how many wealthy people even just the ones in the public purview were or are having deep personal woes. The simple fact that a single thing — be it that a dessert, a car, an experience or a piece of music brings different levels of enjoyments to different people, tells us that there is an inner mechanism that brings forth our inner experiences (includes happiness) in this world as a biological being.
This inner mechanism is a conditioning mechanism. When you have too many of the same stimuli, your body’s mechanism desensitized to it. You no longer enjoy that fruit after having a dozen of them. Another characteristic is that your state of being tend to fall back into a default baseline. How you feel normally has been shaped by your environment, surroundings, family, friends and your thoughts and other influences over the years. For someone grew up in a harsh environment with traumatic occurrences, the coping mechanism within has to desensitize the self for its own survival. This applies to the conditions we grow up, mostly influenced by the immediate family, schools, friends…etc. Therefore what drives us in terms of how we feel is both psychological and physiological.
Many scientific studies have proven that regular exercises not only maintain and improve health, but also elevate our moods. There are also many researches on how our diets influence moods. It is therefore imperative to keep our bodies healthy to be able to enjoy life. On the other hand, there are not enough studies on mental chatters due to its elusive nature except what you might find in the ancient Eastern practices. Most of us do not give much thoughts in terms of what is going on in the mind. Next time, whenever you have a thought came up, just pause and consider its validity. Is it align to your core values and question why is it so. It can be done in a split of second and with practice you can start sense the nature of the thought. Is it negative, neutral or positive? Is it rooted in love, hope, joy, compassion or fear? More often than not, these mental chatters are of little value. They are simply byproducts in the daily activities when the mind is not focused. Think back at the time when you’re totally concentrated in something, say reading a book, in the middle of a sports game, in love making or running away from an imminent danger…etc. Did your mind had all those random thoughts? If you were really concentrated, then most likely you experience a state of no mental chatter. One of the most readily available tools to get into this state is meditation. It is also one of the most ancient practices that have become more widespread nowadays. While it is easily to find meditation instructions nowadays, it does require commitment to consistently practice to experience the benefits more prominently.
Before we get to master meditation techniques or while we are running about in our daily lives, we will inevitable encounter events, interactions, and news that affect our moods and thoughts. That is, if we allow them to influence us as a boat drift along a river with strong currents. The mind goes where the world pushes us to. Or we can intentionally and actively hold our mental state be it that a more positive frame of mind. Because the mental landscape is akin to a canvas or a plot of land. It is to be cultivated within instead of plastered on from without. So what kind of picture do you want to paint within your inner canvas? Or what types of fruits do you wish to cultivate in your inner garden? Of course one naturally want to be happy, joyful and in a blissful state. It might not be so easy for many of us because of the years of training the baseline is default in certain state. That’s why a persistent depressive state like what I was in for years seemed no end in sight. It simply has more resistance to make a jump from depression to being a joyful person if a lower state had been accumulated for a long period. However it is totally possible with a flash of insight, a sudden realization, an extraordinary moment or persistent practice with intention. A more practical stepping stone for most of us is to aim for a peaceful neutral state, which is easier to identify with.
A method I find useful is to recall a time when you’re at ease and feel mostly content. It could be a time with your best friends, at home with your dog, a moment in your life that you felt great, a hygge moment…etc. With closed eyes, once you are able to recall that moment, feel what sensations you have within you, in different parts of body, the whole body, what texture of emotions that moment brings and consciously lock into all these feelings, emotions and sensations. This likely will be a more elevated state than a typical baseline state. Now with intention and persistence, go back to that state of emotions and sensations as often as you can and gradually make that your default baseline. If you cannot recall such an occasion, it is alright to access a neutral peaceful state. That is the state most accessible when heightened state has not been experienced often enough. Again, the state of being is to be cultivated. A poet can elicit a deep appreciation with a flower, or a monk simply finds joy in the simplicity of life…etc. It is more of an inner training than external dependence.
With determination and intention, you can maintain your center of being by always setting your conscious thoughts and feelings in a preferred positive frame. It’s not about avoid what the issues you are confronting, but rather face them with a state of being that is not affected by the externalities. It is like a boat in the water that has placed the anchor into the seafloor deep down and no longer being push around by the currents. This method has help me navigate daily life with more ease and I find myself able to enjoy simple things more than before. So perhaps others might find this method worthwhile to apply in their lives.
